Celibacy Anniversary

June 10th is my self-appointed celibacy anniversary.

Several, keen twenty-something friends of mine have asked me why on Earth is June 10th an anniversary? (As opposed to say, a funeral.) I've usually stumbled on my words, managing to garble a few things about life changes, spirituality, and singledom. An explanation that doesn't sound too different other (seemingly sudden) changes this year from healthier eating to abandoning alcohol (not that I'll much notice the latter).

Indeed, tomorrow is a celebratory day. How best to explain?

My year of celibacy (and accompanying singledom) marks a turning point. Particularly during the previous year, I jumped from my longest relationship to a shorter, high-impact one and finally, to a serious one that unexpectedly ended. I was exhausted and yet, I was uncertain why I hadn't paused in between relationships before.

This was the Year of Self-Care. Since my dating life began (nine years ago) I was always seeking -- always looking -- or always tending to a girlfriend. I unveiled the source of my serial monogamy several years ago with a campus therapist. Still, I was unwilling or maybe even unable to let several opportunities go in order to turn improving my relationship with myself. My miserable break-up last year was Universe, calling. This time I answered.

I was able to escape a nasty pattern, substituting one commitment for another. For the first time in my adult life I am listening and responding to mind, body and soul. I did not make this realization at first. During the fall I was anxiously"on search" as usual. Then, I received some great advice, made the promise, and managed to live it out.

I no longer feel apologetic for being single. I know how it feels to be geniunely happy as I am. Present-mindedness has replaced future-planning. There's no longing, no self-pity, no confusion. I'm satisfied and to some degree, liberated from a self-tied anchor.

Celibacy symbolizes represents me being with me. I make light of my decision by sarcastically despairing as a sexless 23-year old. You know, though, I honestly don't notice for the most part. Instead, I'm thrilled that I've done something that I never thought I could, adding to my list this year. So, I say, "cheers" to every person who has or is suffering from some level of inner-poverty* forcing him or her to seek out companionship for its own sake wanting to break free. Listen deeply.

See ya,
R.

*Term originally used by Angel Kyodo Williams in Being Black: Zen and the Art of Living with Fearlessness and Grace. I liked it enough to borrow.