The Story of Gift

We begin with a fundamental and paradoxical truth: our ultimate freedom is bound together through one another. If you are less free, this reality manifests itself into the world, and inevitably suffocates my I perceived to be my freedom, too. I understand that any intention or act which makes any person less free takes us further from what is true. Truth is made slippery. The mind's eye sees clearly when we look upon these innumerable choices that lay ahead, and we either see a brilliant shine or humming dullness. Put another way, we either choose freedom or...not. Gift is simply a free choice to offer freedom to another. It is--choosing--toward true. Here we realize a lesson:

Last night I attended a Bahá'í Faith Devotional hosted by a dear law school friend. I am always happy to be invited, and I embrace an opportunity to be in another spiritual space. Devotionals vary in form; there is no standard way to organize one. My friend has chosen to combine prayers and (multi-faith) holy text passages onto a paper handout for group reading. Each person reads a passage and during the end we open up a discussion. Last night's topic was adoring our words with deeds. A very good topic, indeed.

This is my second Devotional, in which among the 5 -7 participants are predominantly of the Bahá'í Faith. We reach consensus most of the time but last night we had different views about generosity. Our discussion about right deeds led to right intentions about giving, and specifically, service.

I recalled a conversation with a sangha friend that I had not too long ago (one of my partners in crime, in fact). We were exiting the Columbia Heights metro station when we were approached by a person who asked for spare change. Recently I have committed to giving what I have in my wallet to whomever asks (there are many times that I have nothing because I rely on my debit card). I offered my remaining dollar. Following this my friend and I had a conversation about stranger-giving; we talked about my commitment, her grapplings with that question while abroad, and other reservations. We actually parted ways disagreeing about whether stranger-giving is right action.

I can only account for myself this way: any gift with conditions is not free. It is not a gift. My view is informed by a well-known story that has variations throughout many faiths about a man and his neighbor. This man offers his neighbor a fish and his neighbor graciously accepts only to return the fish into the ocean in front of the man. The teaching goes, if you react angrily to your neighbor, you have not given the fish. Your anger demonstrates an attachment that is not truly a gift. Such a view is also informed by the Buddhist teaching on the wisdom of nondiscrimination. A person's response to a need is generosity. We do not discriminate as to that need nor do we discriminate to whom we give because of our non-self. Our "emptiness" does not distinguish between my suffering or yours. So when a need is expressed, I respond accordingly.

This was not a popular view in Devotional :) One person responded that she'd rather give to an organization which helps beggars because that way she can be sure that it is rightly given and used. Another person shared the same belief. He did not wish to contribute to bad things. I suspect that these views are widely shared and they are rooted in our beliefs about who is in need, and our experiences related to whom we are responsible. But I will tell others like I have had to tell myself: it does not matter. The irrelevance of these questions does not reflect my desire to abrogate responsibility; instead, it reflects my lack of ownership and choice not to discriminate among needs or suffering. We are as we are.

I will qualify this lesson by acknowledging that context matters. The heart of the lesson, however, is a principle that we should refrain from prioritizing needs, projecting our righteousness onto others, and discriminating against persons.

Finally I think that lessons of generosity extend from strangers to our dear ones. Those who we find easy to love. In the same way unconditionality is important. I am so fortunate to be embraced by many forms of love by many people. A particular relationship that I will write more about is with my friend, Terrell. Terrell and I began as penpals but have grown close over 18 months. I call him my big brother and I am his little sister. We offer our presence of mind to one another, a demonstration of love. Our true presence resides in our ability to practice the wisdom of nondiscrimination. We relate to one another because we choose to understand each other. The freedom that accompanies boundless love and mindfulness is most powerful. I try to replicate this lesson to all of my other relationships.

Freedom is not discriminatory so why are we? Reciprocity is conditional so why do we wait? Love is a form of generosity so why do we choose against love? A story of gift.

Metta,
R.

A special thanks to Yujin for our quality discussion on this topic.