Universe, Calling

Fast forward two and a half weeks. New home (Washington DC), new people (along with the old-faithful), new station in life (organizing to law school, an "Obama reverse").

As I can, I walk a little over a mile from American's main campus to law school in the mornings. During the last couple of days, I've passed a grassy field occupied by teen, female, soccer players. They are clustered around an evidently confident coach who is bestowing instructions. Indeed, I have descended upon none other than soccer camp, and I cannot help but take a deep sigh. My heart glows! I was once among them, almost ten years ago. And it suddenly dawns on me that when attending summer camp that I was training for the Sydeny Olympics. That is, before I quit.

In earlier posts I've alluded to my bygone "athletic" days that I have recently reclaimed. I think, however, that I've seldom shared why I let it go. It's complicated. Yet, in short, a combination of factors, including the pressure-cooking-competitive environment of the girls soccer Olympic track, created an irreconcilable distance between my passion for the game and where I found myself only seven short years later. So when a National team coach lectured us after an exceptionally hard practice when I was 13 about the choice we had to make: either battling our way to the top 1% or deciding that we wanted "to do other things." He didn't have to tell me twice...

About ten minutes later I'm in a law classroom.

I know that these exam preparation tips are important but I made a discovery. At 23, I've claimed three primary identities (though, each has always been very present when not primary). From the time I could walk to 14, I was an athlete. Once I left soccer until last year, I was a justice-seeker/activist. Now, I can feel myself evolving into a new primary identity of which I cannot quite name yet. Maybe "intellectual?" "Scholar?" I dunno. But it entails a lot of mental lifting and flexing.

I'm aware that such changes are very normal during the course of one's lifetime. I guess it's peculiar being conscience of it while it is happening, particularly when you're not (chronologically) old.

The important part, though, about this discovery is my internal restless that has been my self-sabotage. I haven't achieved my full potential yet. When unsatisified or unchallenged, I usually more onto the next thing. I don't regret this. Instead, I've been waiting for the right moment. This time is apparently now.

When I sat in the classroom this past week, parsing legal concepts and turning over ideas, I realized that I'm well-suited for this challenge--intellectually and emotionally. I will take it upon myself to exercise a degree of discipline and finally, for the first time in my life, realize my full self. Call it, redemption.

Inspired,
R.