The Dental Experience

About four months ago I stepped into Springfield-Lorton Dental in desperate need for a check-up. It had been a long time. Yes, college had done me in. It had been a very, long time.

I stroll into the sparking, modern office to the granite front desk. I steal a glance at the name placard to make sure that I was in the right place. "Springfield-Lorton Dental." Great. Not a cosmetic surgeon.

Approaching the granite front desk, I'm greeted by a pleasant "Hi. How're you?" On the other side of the beautiful granite front desk, I see a gorgeous 20-something woman with bright eyes and shampoo commercial hair. "I'm great," I say calmly. I notice her counterpart at the check-out side of the desk: 20 something, blonde hair, blue-eyed bombshell.

Toto, we are no longer in Kansas.

I'm handed a clipboard attached with all of the arduous paperwork burdened by the first visit. I patiently fill it out in the waiting room. I snatched a Deer Park water in the small steel refrigerator next to a granite side table once I reasoned that they were free and they were for me!

The front-desk woman thanks me for returning the clipboard (as if I was planning to run out with it selfishly sprinting through the medical center parking lot happy to have a victory against "the system?") when she flashed a smile. Of course, a million dollar smile (OK, more like 20K one). I thought: Am I awake?

At last, my dentist (actually, dentist assistant) beckons me from the waiting room. She, too, is stunningly attractive. I practically floated toward her, toward the beaming light...

The light? More like an x-ray. My routine exam was a couple of hours of poking, prodding, and other strange things you let beautiful women do to your mouth with sharp objects.

I needed 10K worth of it. How unfortunate.

Two months ago I made a brief visit for some initial work--cleaning, cancer screening. Just as shiny, different women, though, all less than a hand older than me and gorgeous, including my dentist. I haven't detected testosterone yet. This place was made for me!

Yesterday was like any other visit but even better. Dentistry was never so gratifying. First, I was able to submit my new dental insurance (thank you, VOP) which covered the majority of my work. New women, all young and attractive. This time I am helped by a classically stunning Indian woman. She fixed me up for the procedure while we chatted about the holidays. I forgot her name but I do remember her country of origin. She was impressed as I unloaded my pockets on the sitting chair.

I hardly noticed most of the procedure since I had a private screen with Will & Grace episodes playing for the hour and a half. It was admittedly difficult not to laugh during the drilling. Ouch.

We stopped a couple of times where in a particularly eerie way I felt giant holes in my front teeth with my tongue. The first time I thought I was finished, sitting there with the entire backs of my front teeth missing; I officially was worried.

But we went on! Finally, I was finished. And imagine that? Three fillings became five. (The good news being that I've stopped a lot of damage with my new dental routine.)

:Angels singing: I left the dentist's office with a better smile (approximately a thousand dollar improved one). A bit swollen. A bit numbed. A bit bloody. Yet I had heavier front teeth and I'm told this is a positive outcome.

I look forward to my next dental visit.